Monday, July 20, 2015

I took a break and learned many things

After many month streaks of non-stop Duel Otters development, there comes a time when I have JLPT (Japanese language test), lab works, homework and many other things altogether at the same time. I was forced to take a break.

First I mailed to a person from Apple that had been nicely supporting me since we have met that I must postpone the update. She promptly understand which I am so glad.

Now that everything above is over (actually a final test is coming.. damn) In the period that I stopped I decided to not doing anything. It is been a while since I stopped struggling, but I learned that... nothing really happened.

I stopped checking my friend and refresh them the task they have to finish or whether they can do it over particular weekend or not. As I expected, nothing happened! But what's more important is, previously I treated Duel Otters as a task. If I am not continuing it, many people will be waiting, it is punishing to be lazy and I should do it!

The truth is I may be forcing this onto myself too much, I mean, the players is not that high and this is not even a regular-playing game. I can actually take a break! And I can control my life! (Not my own game controlling me)

The bad feeling of I am doing 90% of the works but own 25% of the company is still there (which tech startups should not, by the way) but I think it is less prominence in me now. I feel like yeah let's relax a bit. See, no one really gave a damn..

Along the break I partake in some event for fun, it is the BMS event which you make original music, note chart and video, making a "BMS" file that other people can enjoy and comment. This is the decision that I will never regret in my life. Via Japanese Twitter I have newly signed up, I met a lot of these nice Japanese people who really have "doujinshi" spirit. They create, for real. No incentive. No job quitted. This is different from "indie" where the point is hoping for a living or fame.

They made truly awesome music. They remix each other music rapidly just for friend, fun and coolness. I am very happy that I can be a part of them really. One of them even direct message me in English (thank you) and wanted to meet me in person. I am so looking forward to this!

I will continue attending these events. In Japan there are a lot of doujinshi events where you just submit works and enjoy it together. Like free internet label that looking for "challengers" to submit songs and then they will master and release the album for free. Next one is called BMS of Fighters (Ultimate) which is a big thing in BMS scene.

In my break, I learned to do something truly for myself. Feeling like this partly is because Duel Otters is a joint project with my friends and I often feel like I am doing much more work than I should, but composing music is for me only, there can never be "too much work" if 100% of it is for me. The only thing is the more the better! (I got hyped and compose to 6AM for many days)

I got better at programming synth, and the resulting music is mine.. This feeling I haven't been for so long, is so good. I began to think if I am more suited to working alone? Of course someone will say "You can never be success by yourself!" which is overrated pre-made sentence already, but I did that in Duel Otters and compared to this BMS thing.. I think I like some aspect of not teaming up. (But still enjoying it with "others" in a rivalry way, the community)

For startups that are reading this, I think learning to NOT taking responsibility is sometimes a good thing. Let's fuck your own startup, and take a break. Because actually your life is more than that and your startup cannot control your life completely. "Responsibility" is a word/tool used to force oneself, what if it isn't always a good thing to take responsibility?

(I sounded like a villain saying this by the way, but then that's because we human defined "villain" as something something "bad")

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